Men's top online dating blunders

Men's top 8 online dating blunders, part 1: the personal ad

So you've spent ages creating an online dating propfile, and finally it's ready to be unleashed upon a ready and waiting female public. You sit back and wait for the tidal wave of feminine flirtation. And you wait. And you wait. Where did everybody go?

In online dating just as in offline dating, there are certain rules of the game that, if you ignore them, will leave you spending every Saturday night with a fridgeful of beer and no-one to share it with.

Where did you go wrong? Surely your mugshot isn't THAT bad? Chances are you've sabotaged your chances by making one of these 10 online profile mistakes. The good news is they're all easy to fix - just click to update your profile, and make sure you get it right this time.

1. You didn't include a photo
Research suggests that online dating profiles with photos are up to 20 times more likely to get a response than profiles without. When I asked my female friends whether they'd write to a man with a photo-less ad, their verdicts ranged from "no, he's obviously married" to "no, he's obviously as ugly as sin." If you're insecure about your looks, a blank space where the photo should be will make women assume that you're far uglier than you really are. So take a deep breath and get a decent photo taken. Just don't make it so flattering that it looks nothing like you. That first date may be a little uncomfortable...

2. You did include a photo, but you're posing topless in it
Sorry mate, you look like an idiot. You really should've asked a female friend about the photo before posting it. Women may be just as shallow as men, and yes we get turned on my good looks, but I'm talking about puppydog eyes and cute dimples. Not men who flash their glistening pecs on a website. That's the kind of thing we laugh uproariously at when we're three sheets to the wind on a hen night. And, just so you know, that's not a good thing.

3. Your ad is too general
By keeping your ad empty of specific information about your tastes and interests, you may think that you're widening your net. But it doesn't work that way. Women want to know something about you before they'll respond to you. You've got to stand out from the crowd and include information that your ideal date can relate to. "I love music" isn't good enough - everyone loves music. "My favourite-ever gig was Radiohead at Glastonbury 1997" gives them something to go on - and, if they like Radiohead, you've already scored several extra points.

4. Your ad is stuffed with spelling mistakes
You're right, a good speller does not a great man make. And few people probably care whether the world's greatest catch can spell tranquillity. However, an ad strewn with spelling and grammatical mistakes suggests that you're sloppy and lazy, and women don't tend to go for sloppy and lazy. Whether you're dyslexic or justwant to make sure, run your ad by a spellchecker or a spell-swot friend.

5. You sound like you hate yourself
They say you have to like yourself before someone else can like you, and they are correct. Self-deprecation can be very off-putting in anything other than the smallest, wittiest nuggets, especially when you're trying to pull. A little self-confidence goes a very long way, and it's also infectious, so confident people are good fun to be around. So be positive about yourself, and don't be ashamed to state why people should get to know you. Are you a great conversationalist? Then say so. Are you funny? Then make your ad funny. Do you make a spectacular curry? Tell the world.

6. You sound like an egomaniac
However, know where to set your positivity thermostat. "I'll always try to make you laugh and I bet you'll find stuff to love in my DVD collection" is good, but "I'm very good-looking and no-one can understand why I'm single" just makes you sound like an arrogant moron.

7. You give too much information
Some things are best left unsaid until, say, date number four. Or six. Yes, maybe you snore like a walrus, but this is not something to state in your ad. Let them cross that bridge when they come to it (or indeed, hear it at 3am). Stating how much you earn will not thrill anyone, unless you're actively seeking a gold-digger. And beyond ticking the appropriate "relationship status" box, don't waste space by mentioning any more about your divorce. You might as well just write "I'm bitter and damaged and on the rebound. Fancy a drink?"

8. You criticise your audience
No-one but the very lucky and the very dateless gets through a few years of adult life without being hurt at least once. But when you're trying to pull a new girlfriend, don't allow your bitterness over the old ones to cloud your judgement and wreck your chances. "I'm fed up with dating neurotics" won't make anyone warm to you - it just makes you sound like hard work. But you'd be surprised how many times I've read things like this in men's profiles. Yes, and women's. It doesn't work for them, either.

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Jane Hoskyn
DatingDirect.com